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A little light relief :)

I’m thinking its time for a little light relief. I found these funny accounting client stories on the web a while back. Enjoy!

An accountant reviewing a sale of a small salvage company:

“So, who are your primary suppliers?”

“Auctions, 70%. Liquidations and Cash distressed contractors, 20%. Gypsies, 10%.”

“Gypsies?”

“Yes. They go to auction, they buy at auction, then they sell back to you. Gypsies.”

“I’m just going to write down arbitrage resellers…”

A junior auditor seconded to our firm who used to work with me was performing some analytics over expenses. As not much activity had occurred, one of the larger expenditure accounts was actually the audit fee (which had increased). Oddly enough, the junior decided to ask the CFO why it had increased, to which he replied, “you tell me.”

(A client calls us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly send this over to him and he calls back almost immediately.)

Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”

Me: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.

Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”

Me: “Which button are you clicking?  The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”

Client: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at all of the pornography that you have recently been viewing on your computer.”

Client: “F***!” *hangs up*

… and of course we must end with a joke about accountants.
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: “Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window.”
Keep smiling and bye for now!
James E


Funny lessons for work & life (1 of 2)

A couple of months ago I published a post that was titled “Funny Accounting Client Stories” (see https://whatdoclientsreallywant.com/some-funny-client-stories/) that seem to be well received. In fact it was one of the highest trafficked posts to date. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? – I  just don’t know.

Here are some funny lessons for life that I think we all should remember. I found them on the web at a site called “Work Madness” (see http://www.workmadness.com/funny-office-work-stories.html) Sorry about some of the language but I’m sure you’ll cope 🙂

Story No.1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered, “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Story No.2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the trees. The next day, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Story No.3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen brid lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon begin to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, promptly dug him out, and ate him!

Lesson:

  1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
  2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
  3. And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

Tune into the next post to read stories 4, 5 & 6.

All my best,

James