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Some funny client stories

I’m thinking its time for a little light relief. I found these funny accounting client stories on the web earlier today. Enjoy!

An accountant reviewing a sale of a small salvage company:

“So, who are your primary suppliers?”

“Auctions, 70%. Liquidations and Cash distressed contractors, 20%. Gypsies, 10%.”

“Gypsies?”

“Yes. They go to auction, they buy at auction, then they sell back to you. Gypsies.”

“I’m just going to write down arbitrage resellers…”

A junior auditor seconded to our firm who used to work with me was performing some analytics over expenses. As not much activity had occurred, one of the larger expenditure accounts was actually the audit fee (which had increased). Oddly enough, the junior decided to ask the CFO why it had increased, to which he replied, “you tell me.”

(A client calls us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly send this over to him and he calls back almost immediately.)

Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”

Me: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.

Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”

Me: “Which button are you clicking?  The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”

Client: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at all of the pornography that you have recently been viewing on your computer.”

Client: “F***!” *hangs up*


… and of course we must end with a joke about accountants.
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: “Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window.”
Keep smiling and bye for now!
James E