Who said accountants don’t have a sense of humour?

I was looking through the traffic statistics for this blog a while back and noticed that one of the most clicked on posts was one titled “Some funny client stories” published a few months ago month. So in the spirit of today being Monday & the start of a new working week and me believing in the truth that if we don’t laugh we will all probably start crying, here are a few one-liners to get you smiling. Enjoy!

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.

What’s the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.


What’s the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he is boring.

Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.

When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise.

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work.

How does an accountant make a bold fashion statement? He wears his grey suit instead of the blue.

If an accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she say? “Tell me about work today, dear.”

And a few more …

My accountant told me that the only reason why my business is looking up is that it’s flat on it’s back.

A fool and his money are soon audited.

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?” The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

An accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, “Do you know what I do?’ “Daddy says you’re a CPA.” “That’s right. Did he tell you what CPA stands for?” “Well, he says you’re a Complete Pain in the Arse.”

Keep smiling and bye for now!

James E